So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
