no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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