Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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