you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
