I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
