i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
