uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
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I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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