I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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