Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
