u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
