if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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