new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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