We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
