But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
