is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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