I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
