Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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