I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
