Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
