You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
