Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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