Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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