There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
