You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
