if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize