I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
