he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
