I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
