if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
