so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
