Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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