Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
