A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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