She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
