How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
