I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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