If i come over, it means nothing
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?