I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
