the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
