Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
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I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.