Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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