Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
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I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?