There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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