We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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