I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have fence marks all over my body
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
