i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
