I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
please don't ironically join a cult
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