It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
