Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
