He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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