so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
