i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
