her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
