honey bunches of taint.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
