Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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