i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
