she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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