I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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