He is an equal opportunity slut.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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