somebody snuck up and got me drunk
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
