Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
