can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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