He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
