The maid of honor just puked.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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