She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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