This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
