he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
