You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
