1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
