I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
