there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
