This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
