I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
