if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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