McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
