He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
