She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
