The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i think my cat just said my name.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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