maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
