The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
