If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize