I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If that was your dad, he is hot
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
