i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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