Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
