and my herpes radar will keep us safe
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
