dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am available for nakedness
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
