I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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