Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
